March 4, 2013
-
Heart: Minimizing Troubles
Three Sundays ago, I had hot tears brimming because I was feeling the weight of a few friendships/things that have been left feeling unresolved for a long time. Joe was a great listener and gave his feedback as we walked around outside. He snapped pictures the whole time we were talking and that’s when all of the pictures in this post were taken. Every time I look through them I remember the relief and hope I felt just be able to let those feelings out into the air for a while. I remember how the sun was beating down and the crazy Oklahoma wind dried my tears almost as soon as they fell.
It’s one of the hardest things for me to figure out how to deal with. Once I reach the point where there is seemingly nothing else I can do to fix an issue myself, I don’t know how to just let it go. For me, the urge that “the ball is in MY court” never seems to go away. Even when I’ve passed the ball several times, watched the ball drop and roll a mile off court, and ran after it again and again. I think sometimes though, I need to remember that it isn’t always about me. The emotional distance, the misunderstanding, the problem, the anger, though directed at me at times, isn’t necessarily because of me. Maybe I just happened to be standing in the way at the time.
I truly believe that in order to LOVE someone, you sometimes have to stand in the middle of the swirling chaos of their pain and anger and accept that you’ll get hit and that it will hurt. I live my life this way, sometimes against the advice of others. I can’t help it. I will always give the benefit of the doubt. I will always choose to love someone. But I admit, there is a counterpart I lack, and that is the ability to guard my heart against the jabs that those in pain often inflict on those around them. But I fear that if I become guarded then I will also become hard-hearted and uncompassionate.
Two Sundays ago, rather than the regular pastor preaching a message, he instead interviewed a young woman in our church about her spiritual journey as she has dealt with a lot of pain and trauma in her life. I cried then too. She gives off such a joyful vibe (we got the opportunity to talk with her for a few minutes later that night at the bowling alley). You wouldn’t know what she has been through based on the way she carries herself. She was a completely open book as she shared her story. The part that really hit me though was when she mentioned how she has always been one to see the positive light in a situation, but she realized that sometimes that can be to her detriment. Right after her mom died, she immediately started telling herself “At least I got this much time with her, some people have less time than that.” and she realized that she wasn’t allowing herself to fully grieve.
I definitely relate with this. It was only within the last 5 years or so that I realized I had stuffed a lot of my pain from damaged relationships with some of my siblings simply because I felt like I’d had it easier than they had growing up. How am I allowed to complain when I haven’t experienced half of what any of them have in their lifetime? When I was finally able to write honest letters to a couple of my siblings, expressing “What you did hurt me deeply.” my honesty was well received and repaired so many years of wounds between us. I still work on being able to realize when I am hurting in the midst of a situation. I want to cling to that silver lining and bright disposition. One of my favorite quotes on this subject comes from this blog post.
“It feels spiritual to minimize our troubles: “It’s not really that bad,” when confronted with financial turbulence; “Cheer up,” when awash in grief; “Keep on the sunny side,” when standing in the rain.
It’s true that there’s plenty in life to mope about, plenty to feed an Eeyore complex. And we know that discouragement is a weight that will sink any ship. But unfounded optimism is as damaging as unfounded pessimism because both are forms of dishonesty.”
Comments (8)
Love the chain link fence photo! It is sometimes dishonesty to be optimistic but other times it is the anchor for people who are lost or hopeless. The custodian at work had been having health issues. She came into my office and was despondent – she was so sure that the MRI was going to show cancer or spinal problems requiring surgery. My optimism bouyed her enough to be able to make the call to find out the results – she will not need surgery just a little physical therapy. She hugged me. I seem to get hugged a lot…
This does my heart good to read.
You are such a beautiful person, inside and out. This was exactly what I needed to read this morning. <3
@murisopsis - It is definitely good to be optimistic and have hope that everything will work out. That’s a genuine and healthy optimism. My problem is that I am sometimes “falsely optimistic” by refusing to admit that I am struggling at all and because of that, I never get the opportunity to find hope in the situation.
The custodian was open about her struggles and because of it, she was able to find that glimmer of hope, thanks to your sweet supportive encouragement. I love that! She was open about her feelings and you were available to give her the encouragement she needed. Yay for hugs.
I loved reading this and it really hit home with me. So beautiful.
I’ve never seen the point of comparing ourselves with those less fortunate. You’re absolutely right, we have to let ourselves feel our feelings and go through the grief or whatever the appropriate process is, and we can’t let other people off the hook for destructive behavior just because they’ve been through a lot of pain. It might make it easier to forgive them, but forgiveness still involves letting ourselves (and them, if possible) face the damage done, and then let it go as an act of will.
This was a great post, Macy! Sounds like you have a great husband, too. Blessings to you.