May 13, 2013

• Heart: mom. and love.

  

  Sunday was a happy day. Family. Any time we get to gather as many of us together as possible, it results in the multiplication of laughter and an absurd amount of noise making and flailing. We’re like a cauldron of something contagious bubbling over onto everyone around us. Except in a good way. I wish we gathered together like this on the regular, but jobs and schedules and differing interests have us in opposite directions most of the time. How is it so easy to drift apart when so many of us even live in the same state?  I want to slow down these years because I know this season of so many of us living this close together probably won’t last forever. It’s really hard to bridge the gap that seems to creep in when we get busy with our daily lives, but I’m purposing to make an effort to do just that. 

  

  I read a quote online recently that totally hit home with me. 

  “Just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.”

  That sits well with me. I’m guilty of wanting to be loved in such a specific and isolated way, that I’ve completely overlooked the ways those in my life ARE showing me love. Part of it is acknowledging that we all have different love languages, but another part of it is recognizing that due to emotional wounds in various stages of healing, we don’t all have the same capacity to love. It’s kind of like the Bible story about the widow’s mite. Giving in large amounts doesn’t mean as much as giving sacrificially does. I am learning to recognize when someone is loving me with everything that they have to offer and in turn, I’m finding out just how much I really am surrounded by love.

  . 

  Love doesn’t look anything like what I thought it was supposed to. It’s even more beautiful (and painful). Sometimes it seems to disappear for a while and my heart deflates while its gone. But then when I least expect it, there it is again filling every crevice of my heart until it feels I’ll burst into a million pieces. Siblings. Marriage. In-laws. Friends. Maybe we’d all prefer to be loved in a steady, predictable, and abundant way. But that’s not how it works on a horizontal level because we’re all a little broken and scarred. Doesn’t that make love shine even brighter though? To know that light is breaking through darkness and someone chose to share that light with you instead of keeping it to themselves in reserve?

  

  I love my family. We aren’t predictable or steady. We take turns falling off the face of the earth. But when we love, there’s no mistaking it. The rough & distant seasons fade away and I soak in every drop of refreshing unity and happiness.  

  

  Mom raised us:

  To let our freak flags fly. 

  To take risks. 

  To jump and flail and fail.

  To laugh and try again.

  To spill our guts.

  To make eyes roll.

  To follow our passions. 

  To raise eyebrows. 

    

  And you know something? We do all of those things, and we’re a freaking circus sometimes. Having a momma who supports each one of us in the midst of our chaotic and colorful lives is one of the most valuable things in my life. 

  

  So you know that unpredictable, sacrificial kind of love I described? It kind of multiplies around my mom. What do they call it when something reflects light in a million different directions? A sparkling diamond, right? But I know that’s not her style at all…so let’s go with “Arizona sun sparkling off a rippling watering hole.” It’s a thing of beauty that I hope to carry with me the rest of my life. 

  

  Back row: Dad (what’s he doing all the way back there? haha)

  Middle row: Momma, Me, John, and Jonah’s friend Slim.

  Front row: Jonah and Jeremiah

  

  Mother’s Day 2011

  Mother’s Day 2012

  • 10:00 pm
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